I'm finding it a bit hard to start writing again after those many days of not doing it. Starting over again is not a great skill of mine; it's something I always have to work on.
So obviously it was hard for me to start studying again. The Psychometrician boards are coming up in less than two months, and I only just started studying last week. There's so much going on in my mind, all the worries and overthinking about how to go about in the next few months. Besides passing the boards, I also have employment and a Korean visa to worry about. The past days have become anxiety-filled, so I was glad to have been in new company the last weekend.
Well, new, but old. Old acquaintances and friends that I was able to reform a new connection with.
I met with my college friends on Saturday, and then with high school friends on Sunday. It was great to see these people again. I wasn't the social type at school, and these groups of people weren't my everyday crowd during those days, but we were all able to connect nicely and talk about our lives in a peaceful and empathic manner. I guess that's how maturity works. It lets you relate to people even when you have different experiences. It gives you empathy. I especially felt this with my college friends.
With my college friends I got to have people to share my chaotic feelings regarding adulting. It's so hard to be an adult and deal with life on your own. Finances are a daily need, but thinking about your future is a heavier burden. My anxiousness is especially because I haven't figured out what exactly I want to do with my life. It scares me that I couldn't imagine myself anywhere in 10 years.
A lot of my friends have already figured it out, and I'm stuck here, in my head, trying to think about how it would be for me. It was comforting to have people to talk to that actually understand your plight.
Though I said it's hard to live on your own, it's harder to be dependent again after living independently for some time. It's been a few months since I have been staying at home and just trying to keep my worries to myself. I'm currently staying with my parents, my brother, my grandmother, and an aunt while I'm unemployed. I try to voice out my thoughts on what I plan to do with my parents, but they disregard my feelings and focus on the plans part instead. It's hard to live with parents that don't try to at least hear you out. I'm okay with them not understanding my ideas, but it hurts when they don't even try to listen. I'm glad I have friends who do. Most of the time, when I talk about myself, I only need people to listen, I don't actually need advice, which my college friends were able to do when we met last Saturday.
The advice part, although unsolicited, I was able to get from my high school friends. I haven't seen a lot of these people in maybe six years. And these people I wasn't really close to in high school. But it was great to hear other people's opinions about life at this point. We have all matured and have set aside previous apprehensions and drama. We shared our plans (or the lack of it) for the future and shared what we thought could help each and every one of us to achieve success.
It was great catching up with these people. It made me fulfill my need to reconnect with others. Although right now I worry about my future, I was able to reconnect with my past, which I believe can help me towards my journey forward. Now that I caught up with people, I will already be focusing on catching up with my knowledge for the boards.
Wish me luck!
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