song thoughts: throwback

I love music a lot. I started appreciating it when I came to know the internet. I was in the 5th grade when our house finally had an internet connection, although I wasn't allowed to use it often.

In high school, I became more and more accustomed to using the internet, most often for customizing my friendster account. It was fun changing the layout of my page every weekend, although I had little knowledge of html. I especially loved adding playlists to my page. 

It was high time for emo music, and my playlists showed that. Thinking about it now, I did not have a lot of issues as a teenager, but emo music really spoke to me. In a way, it made me empathize with a lot of my peers experiencing the things the songs talk about, and it also helped me cope with the everyday pressure of being a teen: school, friends, crushes/lovelife, family, among others. 

I was especially attracted to songs talking about love. I was such a romantic person. From time to time I wrote songs inspired my my thoughts and my little experience with love. 

I'm not really a musician, but I can play the guitar and am an average singer. Writing songs became a hobby that started with a school project. I first started writing about other people's stories, and eventually came up with songs from my own.

The most memorable song that I wrote arose from my feelings of betrayal from my special someone. I don't often talk about it, because our relationship wasn't actually official, but I guess I was really hurt for me to come up with a song with such heavy feelings. 

got nothing to do

stuck here with no you

what am i gonna do?

just watching the rain

is increasing the pain

is it all in vain?

i wished to be with you forever

now i think it would be never

but i saw you again

i missed you since then

that time that you left me just when...

i'm here with you now

i'm asking you now

how could you have left me, just how?

and now you are here

speak so i'll hear

but are you sincere?

you left me alone

my smile it was gone

why should it be thrown?

i wished to be with you forever

now i hope it would be never

but i saw you again

i missed you since then

that time that you left me just when...

i'm here with you now

i'm asking you now

how could you have left me, just how?

i've had all those lonely nights

and you were just out of sight

tell me how could i fight

with no one to hold me tight?

but i saw you again

i missed you since then

that time that you left me just when...

i'm here with you now

i'm asking you now

how could you have left me, just how?

how could you have left me, just how...

Looking at these lyrics now that I'm older, I want to say that my younger self was being too emotional, but maybe my younger self really felt pain a lot during that time. It's sad that I do not remember how it feels like to be romantic anymore, even just the hurt of it.

Lately I haven't been able to write new songs. The last one I think was about two years ago, when I was starting out in the real world. My latest songs haven't been about love, but about the struggles of being an adult.

I love music a lot, and I wish to write songs again. My songs may not become great music, but I hope the messages can be someone's food for thought, just as a lot of songs have been for me.